Stupid Cockface Patrol

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Chad Alvarez: Stupid Cockface

In college, I used to tape clippings up on my wall. I had two walls of note, The Wall of Fame and the Wall of Things Humanity Should Be Ashamed Of.

I can remember many of the entries on the Wall of Fame, but only one from the Wall of Things Humanity etc.

That one article detailed an incident in May of 1999 in which Chad Alvarez, fraternity member on the University of Wisconsin campus and son of UW Badger football coach Barry Alvarez, willingly performed an action that catapulted him directly to Stupid Cockface status.

This fucker, as revenge for a petty little email, took his frat brother's parrot and microwaved it to death.

I'll pause now, so you can be horrified for a while.

Alvarez (Chad, not Barry) faced two criminal charges, one for kidnapping the bird and the other for killing it. His potential penalty was twelve years in jail and $20,000. Pretty stiff! He walked away, though, with a relatively light sentence: ten days in jail, nine years of probation, 250 hours of community service, counseling, and a $1,000 donation to the Dane County Humane Society.

Mitigating factors: he seems sorry!
Further damning factors: also pleaded no contest to drunk driving
Verdict: what an asshole

The parrot, Iago, was unable to comment at posting time, as he had been murdered by some Stupid Cockface.

3 Comments:

At 4:46 PM, Blogger toocool said...

Where is this asshole now? There is a u-tube site on a Chad Alvarez in Chicago. Is that him?

 
At 3:55 PM, Blogger Mitch said...

The Chad Alvarez in Chicago is a different person. Apparently this Chad Alvarez is back in the Madison area, in Middleton. Why he feels welcome to return to this area I don't know.

He did this because he was mad about a joke email his friend sent out. He must have been too stupid to figure out a clever way to embarrass the guy and too weak to kick his ass, so he killed his bird instead.

 
At 6:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This Chad guy is fucking sick. What a bastard!

 

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